This is one of those uncountable times, when I am skeptical about putting down this experience in words, but the warmth, joy, memory, dreams, and miracles attached with it overweight my doubt. So, I would still attempt to express it in my limited and naïve language.
Perhaps, the journey started long ago when I visited the basement of my grandmother's home. Raw as it was, the room was full of books crisp in the dust of loneliness. Tapping the dust off, I could read the titles in English, Urdu, and Persian. What I felt and observed was extraordinary, I could not resist and began to think about it more and more each day. Every day, my nana’s (grandfather's) life and personality felt more like a book with many chapters. Yet un-read.
Whenever anybody narrated something about him, I would amplify all my energy just so that I could hear more of it and wished that it never ends. I began reading his books, far more complex than my ability to grasp. But the mere fact that he once lived and read these pages, turned, and reflected passages from them, was enough to enchant me.
When COVID-19 struck our lives and everything started to appear more disconnected and paranoid than ever, I got the opportunity and time to connect myself with something I always yearned for!
Only with bits of anecdotes and stories I heard, I knew that my nana went to the US for PhD and later he travelled to Norway for his post-doctorate. I was amazed by his potential of achieving such an accolade at a time when completing higher education was attached with so many personal and financial constraints. It appeared to me that it must be a great amount of passion and so I wanted to find out more about his work.
I began with random Google searches which did not conclude so well. I could not find any publications or economics articles written by my nana Dr Ali Sarwar Rizvi. But I was able to reach out to the Special Collections Research Center at Syracuse University, asking and hoping them to find Ph.D. thesis of my grandfather, a research by yet an un-known title...
I became so restless and waited for a reply every day! Like every other learning, this instance during Lockdown taught me how much immense patience it takes to quench your passion. Meanwhile, I also started looking at Pakistan’s Economic archives the from 1960s-70s.
My first finding was a big victory and a pathway, I found his name in an archive by Pakistan Institute of Developmental Economics where "S.A. Sarwar Rizvi" was among the list of senior. This finding was like a key that unlocked so much more. There he was, in the "Directory of Pakistani Economists and Demographers" which showed his designation along with the name of his research and publication.
After 3 months of my email, Special Collections Research Center at Syracuse University replied to me with a finding of a thesis by my grandfather's name. I couldn't believe that they replied and found his work. I made a special request and they agreed to deliver a copy of his work in the US. It took a month to figure out the process and order his work.
There were multiple other digital avenues where I could see his name and work but was unable to access it. Every day became a mission for me, not just to find what I already know but also things that were inconsistent and laid down a maize in front of me.
In January of 2022, I got selected at University of Michigan Summer Exchange Program. The first thing that came to my mind was as if this was some sort of reward in my journey, little did I know that there were more wonders to it. Few weeks before I was meant to arrive at University of Michigan Ann Arbor, I was still in the process of somehow accessing my nana's publication that were locked in other digital libraries. I randomly landed on a Wikipedia page (which I never trusted and used to overlook), it quoted "Industrial Labor Relations in Pakistan by S.A. Rizvi" and originated from…University of Michigan. I could not believe it, after a year connecting puzzles, awaited emails and much more the paths were joining in miraculous ways..
When I arrived at the University of Michigan Ann Arbor, I went to the library the next morning to requested this publication. I remember my walk to Shapiro Library was the first time I looked back and realized how eventful and fascinating this entire experience was. As if something were there waiting and meant to happen anyways… as if someone was guiding me to solve and connect a jigsaw puzzle. I never imagined finding my nana's work would take me from Karachi to University of Michigan!
For the first time, I held a real copy of my nana's work, and perhaps this has been the most exciting and emotional moment for me. After spending a year and months tracing and connecting clues, I finally got what I once imagined was impossible. For the first time I felt that I gave back my family something very valuable, I can imagine what my mother feels when I show her my findings and finally hold them in my hands.
And finally, I find my nana lively and more connected to me than anyone else. I think this was not an ordinary experience…with me being so young when we lost him and hardly remembering any memory of myself with him, I still feel blessed that I have a long list of memories when I felt he was with me and guiding me to all wonders. It's not an end, there is much to be known but whatever I achieve and live, I owe so much to my nana and his amazing personality!
This journey has given me a lot strength, belief and confidence in what I think, what I pursue and what I am passionate about. To all those who are struggling to find a meaning, to make sense of chaos, to make peace with oneself, trust your ability and give your best. Not all paths are same, not all destinations are same and not all victories are same. Learn to appreciate the beauty of difference, to value the details of your trajectory and to cherish your own milestones.
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